There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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