I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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