A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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