i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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