Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
