you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
