We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
