I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
