rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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