How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
