I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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