Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
