two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
