I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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