One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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