Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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