Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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