i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
