NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dignity is for republicans.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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