Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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