You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
