So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
