I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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