i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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