everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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