People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
