Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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