I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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