drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
