its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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