I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
