I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
