when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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