I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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