Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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