Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
