Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
