Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
