it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
