Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
