; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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