Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
