I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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