Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
