I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
