Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
