I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
