Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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