Me too!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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