But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this hospital has no fireball
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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