yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
