Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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