the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
