I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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