his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
