Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
