Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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