Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
