I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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