is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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