yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
