therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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