carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
