I want to have your abortion
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
