i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
