I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
