im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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