we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
