my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
