remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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