No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
