I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
