You can't special order awesome
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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