Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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