I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
