Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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