I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
