You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
