would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
