just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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