Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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